Just Saying...

So, out of about 20 houses in our row, about 5 of us have recycling refuse wheelie bins due to the fact that we have the space to accommodate them. Every 2 weeks, we put them out for collection, but last week they missed them. No problem I thought, I'll just ring the council. After the usual menu telling me to press whatever numbers for Council Tax, Housing Benefit, etc, I press 1 to put me through to reception. The conversation in bold is no word of a lie. The conversation in ordinary type is in 'real speak'

council: Good morning *council name*, how can I help you today?
council: Good morning *council name*, who do you want to complain to?
me: Good morning, refuse collection please.
me: Good morning, lack of refuse collection please.
council: thank-you sir, connecting you now.
council: you as well, hope you've got a coffee and a bingo card, there's some more numbers for you.

After an announcement regarding the new collection days (which sent me hurtling into the kitchen to check that I hadn't got the days wrong), I chose '3' and it rang... and rang... and rang... and

council: Good morning *council name*, how can I help you today?
council: Good morning *council name*, who do you want to complain to?
me: Good morning, I just spoke to you about refuse collection, it rang and then I got you again.
me: Forget the pleasantries, this is costing me money and your stupid automated system just sent me back to you.
council: Oh, sorry sir, let me try a different extension for you.
council: I bet they're ignoring it.

After an announcement regarding the new collection days (which I now knew didn't affect me), I chose '3' and it rang... and rang... and rang... and

council: Good morning *council name*, how can I help you today?
council: Good morning *council name*, who do you want to complain to?
me: Hi there, It's me again.
me: I'm getting pissed off now.
council: Oh sorry sir, I don't know what's happening here, I'll just put you on hold and try and get through internally.
council: Can't you see they must be busy, why can't you ring back later like other people.

A minutes worth of Tchaikovsky later...

council: Hello? Sir?
council: Are you still waiting?
me: Yes.
me: I'm still paying for the call, so I'm going to make sure I get a result for my money.
council: I've tried to get through and it keeps sending me back to myself
council: It's on divert.
me: Is there anyone else who might be able to...
me: Is there anyone else who might be able to...
council: Oh, I've just realised...
council: Oh, I forgot that I was told not to put calls through because...
council: It's Fish Day
council: It's Fish Day
me: Sorry?
me: WTF?
council: It's Thursday so it's Fish Day. They have fish & chips delivered and divert the lines to reception during the lunchbreak
council: Everyone knows that Thursday is Fish Day.
me: Oh, right.
me: Well that explains every fucking thing doesn't it!
council: They'll be back at 2pm.
council: They have a long lunch.
me: Can I leave my number or a message, so that they can contact me later?
me: I'll take the initiative and teach you some customer service.
council: Sorry sir, it's best if you talk to them direct after lunch.
council: They only just trust me to work the switchboard, I have a habit of losing post-it notes.
me: Can you put me through to the Members' Secretary instead then?
me: I'm going to complain to my councillor about this.
council: I don't think she deals with refuse.
council: I don't think she deals with refuse.
me: No, but my councillor will
me: You aren't going to stop me making a complaint.
council: Let me have one last try and see if I can get through on one of the interview room lines
council: You really aren't going to let this drop are you? Did you never have a Fish lunch?
me: Thank-you I appreciate it.
me: What the fuck is a refuse department doing with 'interview' rooms?
council: Hello sir, I understand you're having problems with your refuse collection?
council: Make this quick, my fish and chips are getting cold.

I'm sure I did more carbon damage with that one phone call than my single wheelie bin of recycling helped offset!